I have gone back and forth as to what to write about this week. Should I write about patience? Or maybe spiritual desolation and consolation? Maybe even charity. But as I sit here trying various ways to start each of those topics, I can’t. Instead, something even greater has been placed on my heart. I was fighting this feeling, this desire to write about this because it would require that I become more vulnerable. But I cannot shake this feeling and I would be doing a disservice to you all, my fellow struggling saints.
From June 1st-12th I had the privilege to attend a retreat/training for an organization called The Culture Project International, with whom I am so humbled and honored to serve as a missionary with for this upcoming year. This retreat spiritually challenged and nurtured me. During this time Christ revealed to me just how broken I am and how desperately I need Him. How much I desire His love above all else. But also, how often I choose other things, people, over Him. How often do we do this? We choose worldly pleasures, comforts over Christ. Why? Out of fear from what He may ask of us? From fear of how this world will persecute us? From laziness? Maybe even because we are in a place of deep hurt and we don’t believe that He can heal. We need to be honest with ourselves, go to the root of that rejection and bring it to light. Because our Savior thirst for us. Let’s take a moment to reflect on that. Let’s think back to a time when we were so thirsty, the only thought that came into our mind, the only thing we desired, was a tall glass of cold water. Remember how itchy, painful it felt? How we only desired relief? Well take that feeling and multiple by 100 and still Christ yearns even greater for us. He thirsts.
Christ thirsts for us. For you. For me. Honestly, during my retreat I learned that I am not receptive to love. I do not receive love well. Whether it be because of pride or some deeply rooted wound, I am not sure, I’m still discerning it. But during this time of healing and processing, my heart has been drawn to a prayer written by Mother Theresa called I Thirst. My bro’s and sis’s as you read this, I ask just one thing, read this as Christ speaking directly to you, because He is. Christ wrote this prayer for you. Let us open our hearts to Jesus, inviting the light into the darkest parts of us, those parts we tend to avoid and keep hidden. Allow these words, this prayer to enter that place. I pray that we never forget how truly, deeply, loved we are.
The prayer is long, but the words are so needed. Grab a box of tissues. Trust me.
It is true.
I stand at the door of your heart, day and night.
Even when you are not listening,
even when you doubt it could be Me, I am there:
waiting for even the smallest signal of your response,
even the smallest suggestion of an invitation
that will permit Me to enter.
I want you to know that each time you invite Me,
I do come always, without fail.
Silent and invisible I come,
yet with a power and a love most infinite,
bringing the many gifts of My Spirit.
I come with My mercy,
with My desire to forgive and heal you,
with a love for you that goes beyond your comprehension.
A love in each detail, so grand like the love
I have received from My Father
“I have loved all of you as the Father has loved me…”
I come longing to console you and give you strength,
to lift you up and bind all your wounds.
I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts.
I come with My power, that allows me to carry you:
with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life.
I come with My peace, to calm your soul.
I know you like the palm of my hand.
I know everything about you.
Even the hairs of your head I have counted.
Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me.
I have followed you through the years and I have always loved you
even when you have strayed.
I know every one of your problems.
I know your needs and your worries and yes,
I know all your sins.
But I tell you again that I love you,
not for what you have or ceased to do,
I love you for you, for the beauty and the dignity
My Father gave you by creating you in His own image.
It is a dignity you have often forgotten,
a beauty you have tarnished by sin.
But I love you as you are,
and I have shed My Blood to rescue you.
If you only ask Me with faith, My grace will touch all
that needs changing in your life:
I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin
and from all its destructive power.
I know what is in your heart,
I know your loneliness and all your wounds,
the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations,
I carried it all before you.
And I carried it all for you, so you could
share My strength and My victory.
I know, above all, your need for love,
how much you are thirsting for love and tenderness.
Yet, how many times have you desired to satisfy your thirst in vain,
seeking that love with selfishness, trying to fill the void
within you with passing pleasures,
with the even greater emptiness of sin.
Do you thirst for love?
“Come to Me all you who thirst … ” (John 7:37).
I will satisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be loved?
I love you more than you can imagine …
to the point of dying on a cross for you.
I THIRST FOR YOU. Yes, that is the only way
to even begin to describe My love for you.
I THIRST FOR YOU. I thirst to love you and to be loved by you .
So precious are you to Me that I THIRST FOR YOU.
Come to Me, and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds.
I will make you a new creation and give you peace even in your trials.
I THIRST FOR YOU.
You must never doubt My mercy,
My desire to forgive,
My longing to bless you
and live My life in you, and that I accept you
no matter what you have done.
I THIRST FOR YOU. If you feel of little value
before the eyes of the world, it doesn’t matter.
There is no one that interests me
in the whole world than you.
I THIRST FOR YOU.
Open up to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give me your life.
I will prove to you how important you are for My Heart.
Don’t you realize that My Father already has
a perfect plan to transform your life,
beginning from this moment?
Trust in Me. Ask Me every day
to enter and take charge of your life and I will.
I promise you before My Father in Heaven
that I will work miracles in your life.
Why would I do this?
Because I THIRST FOR YOU.
All I ask of you is that you entrust yourself to Me completely.
I will do all the rest.
From this moment, now, I behold the place
My Father has prepared for you in My Kingdom.
Remember that you are a pilgrim in this life travelling back home.
Sin can never satisfy you,
or bring the peace you seek.
All that you have sought outside of Me
has only left you more empty,
so do not tie yourself to the things of this world;
above all, do not run from Me when you fall.
Come to Me without delay because, when you give Me your sins,
you give Me the joy of being your Savior.
There is nothing I cannot forgive and heal;
so come now, and unburden your soul.
No matter how far you have strayed without a destination,
no matter how often you have forgotten Me,
no matter how many crosses you bear in this life;
I want you to always remember, one thing that will never change.
I THIRST FOR YOU – just you, as you are.
You don’t need to change to believe in My love,
for it will be your confidence in that love that will make you change.
You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you
every moment of the day – standing
before the doors of your heart and calling.
Do you find this difficult to believe?
If so, look at the Cross, look at My Heart that was pierced for you.
Have you not understood My Cross?
Then listen again to the words I spoke there,
for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you:
“….I THIRST” (John 19: 28)
YES, I THIRST FOR YOU.
As the rest of the psalm I was praying says of Me:
“… I waited uselessly for compassion, I waited
for someone to console me and I did not find it.” (Psalm 69: 20).
All your life I have been desiring your love. I’ve never
ceased searching for your love and longing to be loved by you in return.
You have tried many things in your goal to be happy.
Why not try opening up for Me you heart, right now,
more than you ever have before?
When you finally open the doors of your heart
and you finally come close enough,
you will then hear Me say again and again,
not in mere human words but in spirit:
“No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake.
Come to Me with your misery and your sins,
with your problems and needs,
and with all your desire to be loved.
I stand at the door of your heart and call…
Open to Me, for I THIRST FOR YOU… ”
“Jesus is God, therefore His Love and His
Thirst are infinite. He, the Creator of the universe,
asked for the love of his creatures. He has thirst
for our love … These words:
“I THIRST” … Do they echo in our soul?
Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
The question Mother Theresa asked still stands, Do they echo in our soul?
“Our Hearts are restless till they rest in you”- St. Augustine